...is stormy! OH my!! Is it ever stormy! We've had to delay our travel plans! Tomorrow we will get up early and try to make it home! To my home, my growing up home -- the place that has had and still has so much trial and trouble, yet it is home. I am looking forward to the comfort of home yet the roads scare me to death! Hopefully the mountain passes will have been cleared and sanded as we allow for this delay.
In the new year I think I am going to try and blog over here a little more -- and figure out how this site works a little more! :)
Til then! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! God bless ya!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Thanksgiving already???
Hard to believe that Thanksgiving is almost here. Though in Canada it has been here and gone for quite awhile!
Life has been quite challenging lately and I often wonder what I have to be thankful for...the Lord "hit" me in the face with the ungratefulness of that thought. I looked around and realized that I have a warm and cozy home. I have a family who I love and cherish. My children are healthy....we have enough to live for this moment that God has given. I am thankful that I don't have to worry about tomorrow as I've only been given today and the LORD is taking care of tomorrow.
Often I realize that I don't get to see the big picture--I'm stuck under the clouds where it is storming and fierce. But the Lord does, HE knows that above those clouds the sun is shinning, it is calm and peaceful. My job, whether I want to take it or not, is to simply trust...TRUST...HIM. To be still in the storm and trust.
But do I do that? NO! I tend to fret over the "what ifs". What if Dad gets worse now or D. is booked for surgery and I don't have money to get up to be with Mom? What if D or D overdoses and dies? What if Will doesn't get a full-time *permanent* job? What if we don't have enough money for the mortgage? What if_____????
"So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows." Matt. 10:31.
My fears wrapped up in the neat little package of "what ifs" accomplish nothing more than giving me a headache and causing strife in my home.....now only if it were that easy!
Resting in the assurance that God is in control, the sun is shining brilliantly above the clouds and I know WHO holds tomorrow.
Life has been quite challenging lately and I often wonder what I have to be thankful for...the Lord "hit" me in the face with the ungratefulness of that thought. I looked around and realized that I have a warm and cozy home. I have a family who I love and cherish. My children are healthy....we have enough to live for this moment that God has given. I am thankful that I don't have to worry about tomorrow as I've only been given today and the LORD is taking care of tomorrow.
Often I realize that I don't get to see the big picture--I'm stuck under the clouds where it is storming and fierce. But the Lord does, HE knows that above those clouds the sun is shinning, it is calm and peaceful. My job, whether I want to take it or not, is to simply trust...TRUST...HIM. To be still in the storm and trust.
But do I do that? NO! I tend to fret over the "what ifs". What if Dad gets worse now or D. is booked for surgery and I don't have money to get up to be with Mom? What if D or D overdoses and dies? What if Will doesn't get a full-time *permanent* job? What if we don't have enough money for the mortgage? What if_____????
"So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows." Matt. 10:31.
My fears wrapped up in the neat little package of "what ifs" accomplish nothing more than giving me a headache and causing strife in my home.....now only if it were that easy!
Resting in the assurance that God is in control, the sun is shining brilliantly above the clouds and I know WHO holds tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Praying for answers...
Have you ever prayed for answers to prayer....and then expected everything to nicely *fall* into place? There are so many serious situations that I've brought before the Lord these last several weeks, some of them have come to a good end, some are still in process, some the Lord is still silent on and then there are some that He is answering.
However, the answer isn't some nice neat little gift wrapped package I was hoping it would be. No it is full blown sh*t hitting the fan! It is not pretty, it's ugly and horrid. It leaves me and others involved holding our breath, and clenching our fists just waiting for it to be safe, so we can take that breath. Waiting for the fan to stop and the poop to drop!! And work on picking up the pieces.
How often I wish that life would neatly fit together, that the little bumps in the road are just the puzzle pieces gently being filed down so they can be squished into place ~~ nice and neat. It doesn't happen that way, it requires me to trust. To trust that the LORD Almighty knows what HE is doing. And I have to trust that those individuals involved will hear the voice of the Lord and respond to HIS prompting.
These are literal life and death decisions I am talking about. Putting innocent people in positions that they should NEVER have been put in! Choosing to put pills in their bodies in quantities that can kill! Driving when they are not capable of doing so safely! A mother making sure her son is still breathing in the morning before she leaves, to spare her grandson the possibility of finding his dad gone...another son watching his dad maneuver through life high on otc drugs and alcohol, this same dad seeing the first year of his 2nd sons life through a blur of selfish decision! The women in my family have surely thought that the "boys" would not make it through this month...one of them is slowly on the road to recovery...the other ~ well, the fan hasn't stopped just yet.
So as I'm thinking about answers to prayer ~ life and death decisions, I realized that everyday I make life and death decisions in respect to my relationship with God. Do I chose to trust Him and His plan (even in the silence) or do I chose my own direction risking death? I find myself walking on a balance beam, not wanting to fall into the abyss of silence, so I lean to the side listening to the lies....Moment by moment, literally, I need to walk in faith that the Lord is in control that HE does have a plan and I just need to listen in the silence.
However, the answer isn't some nice neat little gift wrapped package I was hoping it would be. No it is full blown sh*t hitting the fan! It is not pretty, it's ugly and horrid. It leaves me and others involved holding our breath, and clenching our fists just waiting for it to be safe, so we can take that breath. Waiting for the fan to stop and the poop to drop!! And work on picking up the pieces.
How often I wish that life would neatly fit together, that the little bumps in the road are just the puzzle pieces gently being filed down so they can be squished into place ~~ nice and neat. It doesn't happen that way, it requires me to trust. To trust that the LORD Almighty knows what HE is doing. And I have to trust that those individuals involved will hear the voice of the Lord and respond to HIS prompting.
These are literal life and death decisions I am talking about. Putting innocent people in positions that they should NEVER have been put in! Choosing to put pills in their bodies in quantities that can kill! Driving when they are not capable of doing so safely! A mother making sure her son is still breathing in the morning before she leaves, to spare her grandson the possibility of finding his dad gone...another son watching his dad maneuver through life high on otc drugs and alcohol, this same dad seeing the first year of his 2nd sons life through a blur of selfish decision! The women in my family have surely thought that the "boys" would not make it through this month...one of them is slowly on the road to recovery...the other ~ well, the fan hasn't stopped just yet.
So as I'm thinking about answers to prayer ~ life and death decisions, I realized that everyday I make life and death decisions in respect to my relationship with God. Do I chose to trust Him and His plan (even in the silence) or do I chose my own direction risking death? I find myself walking on a balance beam, not wanting to fall into the abyss of silence, so I lean to the side listening to the lies....Moment by moment, literally, I need to walk in faith that the Lord is in control that HE does have a plan and I just need to listen in the silence.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
5K Update
Well my training for the 5K has decidedly taken and indoor look! There have been some serious events that have taken place in our area and I just don't feel safe walking by myself. Therefore, I'm jumping on the rebounder, dancing in the living room and putting focused effort into building endurance and stretching out these old muscles!
Last week was a tough week -- PMS!! Today I am feeling better than I have in about 2 and a half weeks!
Off I go to get ready for work.
Last week was a tough week -- PMS!! Today I am feeling better than I have in about 2 and a half weeks!
Off I go to get ready for work.
Monday, October 6, 2008
What is faith?
My faith quotient is quiet low -- so small that I'm afraid in someways it is smaller than a mustard seed. This weekend I heard a wonderful message on faith, and what to do if you want your faith to grow.
I desperately need my faith to grow, my heart has gotten so cold, I've not allowed myself to feel. Rather than developing abs of steel (or was it buns of steel?) I've developed emotions of steel, trying not to feel, hardening my heart.
The minister said that if you want your faith to grow you need to :
a. Obey when it doesn't make sense. Faith is outside the spectrum of things seen. Noah built an ark having never seen rain. (Hebrews 11:7)
b. Walk by faith, not by sight. How many times do we say we are trusting God and yet we say to God, "IF only I could see a little..." I am so guilty of this. My faith wanes and gets weary and yet I have to believe that God hears my prayers and HE will answer them before I see it.
c. Speak it ~ make an announcement, proclaim that Jesus Christ is the Lord.
d. Give out of my need. I need to give out of my exhaustion,give my time, talent, touch and treasure....love, kindness and words of affirmation.
e. I need to praise God while I wait. Phil 4:19 - And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Now to our God and Father be the glory forever and ever.
f. Trust God's plan even when it's different than mine.... Hebrews 11:30..."God had provided something better..."
g. Hold on when I don't feel like it. Not allow feelings and mood to run my life...not feelings...commitment.
h. Faith comes from hearing, and hearing from the Word of God. I need to be reading His word and meditating more on it...putting His words in my mind rather than the worlds....Eph. 2:8.
He spoke on becoming a believer in Christ. He spoke that not all will get to heaven, not even some who claim to be Christians, not those who are good people...only by the saving power of Jesus blood and resurrection...such straight forward truth given in such a loving way -- a way that I've not heard in a long time.
I hope this post makes sense...it is notes that I took from the sermon. One of the last comments the Pastor said was: "Are you willing to say, 'God, I want to look like Your Son Jesus in everything I do and say."
All that to say that Jesus broke my heart this weekend. He's restoring hope to this daughter who's faith has become small...and I know that GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME.
I desperately need my faith to grow, my heart has gotten so cold, I've not allowed myself to feel. Rather than developing abs of steel (or was it buns of steel?) I've developed emotions of steel, trying not to feel, hardening my heart.
The minister said that if you want your faith to grow you need to :
a. Obey when it doesn't make sense. Faith is outside the spectrum of things seen. Noah built an ark having never seen rain. (Hebrews 11:7)
b. Walk by faith, not by sight. How many times do we say we are trusting God and yet we say to God, "IF only I could see a little..." I am so guilty of this. My faith wanes and gets weary and yet I have to believe that God hears my prayers and HE will answer them before I see it.
c. Speak it ~ make an announcement, proclaim that Jesus Christ is the Lord.
d. Give out of my need. I need to give out of my exhaustion,give my time, talent, touch and treasure....love, kindness and words of affirmation.
e. I need to praise God while I wait. Phil 4:19 - And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Now to our God and Father be the glory forever and ever.
f. Trust God's plan even when it's different than mine.... Hebrews 11:30..."God had provided something better..."
g. Hold on when I don't feel like it. Not allow feelings and mood to run my life...not feelings...commitment.
h. Faith comes from hearing, and hearing from the Word of God. I need to be reading His word and meditating more on it...putting His words in my mind rather than the worlds....Eph. 2:8.
He spoke on becoming a believer in Christ. He spoke that not all will get to heaven, not even some who claim to be Christians, not those who are good people...only by the saving power of Jesus blood and resurrection...such straight forward truth given in such a loving way -- a way that I've not heard in a long time.
I hope this post makes sense...it is notes that I took from the sermon. One of the last comments the Pastor said was: "Are you willing to say, 'God, I want to look like Your Son Jesus in everything I do and say."
All that to say that Jesus broke my heart this weekend. He's restoring hope to this daughter who's faith has become small...and I know that GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Training...
Managed to fit in 4.6km. Does no seem like very much but it is better than nothing. I'm feeling like I need to build endurance and lung capacity...right on that! I do feel like I am making some progress so that is a good thing. As I've been walking to work the last couple days I always seem to find that I am in a hurry -- running late, so I don't take time to stretch out very well. Not a good thing! Making progress but still needing to make improvements.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
In finding time...I have been struggling to fit in my work outs, so I've decided to start walking to work. I walked yesterday and did it in about 10 minutes -- that was really "hoofin' it" though as I left late. Normally it would take about 15 mins.
It was great! Not only did I fit in my workout I saved money on gas!! :) I had my ipod with me and enjoyed listening to praise music while I walked.
Today I need to drive as I have to go to town and run some errands and then hurry home to let my Ethan in after school! Tonight is open house at Emily-Joy's classroom. It will be the last open house for her in a long time! Next year we are home schooling her. I'm really looking forward to it, but feel like I need to get busy figuring out what curriculum and other things we'll need. I'm actually looking into an online K12 school. It's "public" so fully funded which is a huge asset to us. Homeschooling down here comes out of ones own pocket -- no help from gov't, even though that's where our tax $$ are going!
Gotta "paint the barn" and run off to work!
It was great! Not only did I fit in my workout I saved money on gas!! :) I had my ipod with me and enjoyed listening to praise music while I walked.
Today I need to drive as I have to go to town and run some errands and then hurry home to let my Ethan in after school! Tonight is open house at Emily-Joy's classroom. It will be the last open house for her in a long time! Next year we are home schooling her. I'm really looking forward to it, but feel like I need to get busy figuring out what curriculum and other things we'll need. I'm actually looking into an online K12 school. It's "public" so fully funded which is a huge asset to us. Homeschooling down here comes out of ones own pocket -- no help from gov't, even though that's where our tax $$ are going!
Gotta "paint the barn" and run off to work!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Today...I will find time.
Time is a valuable resource. We only have so many hours, minutes, seconds and moments in a day. To me having enough time to finish a project or work at the school or....what ever it is...is elusive. It's hiding around the corner in tomorrow.
The last several months I have been feeling a heavy burden to spend concentrated, non multi-tasked time in prayer. Giving the Lord my full attention. Yesterday, Sunday of all days, I heard the Lord asking me to bring my cares and concerns before HIM in a focused way, to take time for Him. My response? "Lord, I'm too busy, I don't have time to pray!" The minute those words came out I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. Flashes of answered prayer came to mind, flashes of impossible work that needed done--getting done....flashes of having time when the schedule showed that there was no time to be had!
Humiliation and conviction shook me to the core. What time I have is HIS! I've committed my life to serve my Lord and Saviour, HE is the one who is blessing me with TIME! How foolish I am. He has given me so much and I am carelessly flippant with my time...in taking the time for Christ, in giving Him my time, in asking Him what I should do with my time.
It wasn't that I haven't been praying...I pray when I am sending the kids out the door, for a need that I hear about as I sweep the floor or wash dishes, as I go through out my day -- and not that that is bad, but I'm needing to set time aside to "go into my closet" to pray. To just be quiet before the Lord, bring Him my heart and then listen to Him speak.
So, today I am finding time. Finding hope that He is not finished with me. Taking comfort in Philippians 4:13 -- that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
Off I go to not only find time but to make time...
The last several months I have been feeling a heavy burden to spend concentrated, non multi-tasked time in prayer. Giving the Lord my full attention. Yesterday, Sunday of all days, I heard the Lord asking me to bring my cares and concerns before HIM in a focused way, to take time for Him. My response? "Lord, I'm too busy, I don't have time to pray!" The minute those words came out I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. Flashes of answered prayer came to mind, flashes of impossible work that needed done--getting done....flashes of having time when the schedule showed that there was no time to be had!
Humiliation and conviction shook me to the core. What time I have is HIS! I've committed my life to serve my Lord and Saviour, HE is the one who is blessing me with TIME! How foolish I am. He has given me so much and I am carelessly flippant with my time...in taking the time for Christ, in giving Him my time, in asking Him what I should do with my time.
It wasn't that I haven't been praying...I pray when I am sending the kids out the door, for a need that I hear about as I sweep the floor or wash dishes, as I go through out my day -- and not that that is bad, but I'm needing to set time aside to "go into my closet" to pray. To just be quiet before the Lord, bring Him my heart and then listen to Him speak.
So, today I am finding time. Finding hope that He is not finished with me. Taking comfort in Philippians 4:13 -- that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
Off I go to not only find time but to make time...
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Training...
My quest to train to run a 5k has taken off at a better speed this week! I had to slow down due to an ankle injury and my asthma acting up!! Today I was able to get out to the track again! Yay!! I ran a quarter of a mile and walked a half mile.Doing something is better than nothing! I need to be getting up to two miles soon, just due to my own personal goals.
I am so glad I have some friends doing this with me!! Even though it's distance it is still great motivation for me to get out there and JUST DO IT! ;) I am going to use this blog to post my progress on an every other day or so basis.
Today I actually "killed two birds with one stone". I'm doing my track workout on Wednesdays and at the same time I am participating in our Middle schools "Walk-About" program (being an extra set of adult eyes and ears). It was great to talk to so many kids! Many of them children that I took care of in daycare, or taught in preschool, or got to know as I volunteered in classrooms! Oh my goodness time flies! It seems like overnight these kids change. Where does the time go? While on the track I want to take time to consciously pray for each of those children that the Lord brings me into contact with--there are so many choices that they will be making the next few years.
Now on to tackle the laundry! Maybe I can get an extra workout in there!
I am so glad I have some friends doing this with me!! Even though it's distance it is still great motivation for me to get out there and JUST DO IT! ;) I am going to use this blog to post my progress on an every other day or so basis.
Today I actually "killed two birds with one stone". I'm doing my track workout on Wednesdays and at the same time I am participating in our Middle schools "Walk-About" program (being an extra set of adult eyes and ears). It was great to talk to so many kids! Many of them children that I took care of in daycare, or taught in preschool, or got to know as I volunteered in classrooms! Oh my goodness time flies! It seems like overnight these kids change. Where does the time go? While on the track I want to take time to consciously pray for each of those children that the Lord brings me into contact with--there are so many choices that they will be making the next few years.
Now on to tackle the laundry! Maybe I can get an extra workout in there!
Monday, September 22, 2008
In other news...
An update on the previous post -- as should have been expected my brother didn't bother to talk to my Mom. But we know the Lord is in control, that HE will bring to light that which needs to be brought to light and dealt with. As well, my sil is very aware of the situations and is just "biding her time".
What does your family do at family get togethers? Do you sit and chat? Do you sit and chat around the tv? Do you play games? Do you interact with each other? Just curious -- we had a family get together (birthday party) and it seemed like most people would just prefer watch the football game. Actually, it doesn't seem to matter what type of gathering we have, the tv seems to be on. I'd like to smash it with a hammer. Then again I don't know if I really want to have those deep conversations...
I'm getting my hair cut today. Think I'm going to have it cut quite dramatically! Right now it's down at my shoulder blades, and I'm thinking of doing a Josie Bissett cut. Or possible a just below chin length bob of some sorts.
Have to run, need to get into work early today in order to figure out what we are doing the rest of the week! But first some Advil for my headache! Ugh!
Have a great day!
What does your family do at family get togethers? Do you sit and chat? Do you sit and chat around the tv? Do you play games? Do you interact with each other? Just curious -- we had a family get together (birthday party) and it seemed like most people would just prefer watch the football game. Actually, it doesn't seem to matter what type of gathering we have, the tv seems to be on. I'd like to smash it with a hammer. Then again I don't know if I really want to have those deep conversations...
I'm getting my hair cut today. Think I'm going to have it cut quite dramatically! Right now it's down at my shoulder blades, and I'm thinking of doing a Josie Bissett cut. Or possible a just below chin length bob of some sorts.
Have to run, need to get into work early today in order to figure out what we are doing the rest of the week! But first some Advil for my headache! Ugh!
Have a great day!
Friday, September 19, 2008
Struggling...
I received news today that my Mom is going to be confronting one of my brothers regarding a conversation the Lord allowed her to overhear. I'm afraid it is going to be really ugly. My Mom has had this feeling for the last 2-3 years that "she is going to lose all her men".
My spirit is just on pins and needles not knowing what is going to happen, and here I have to run out to some appointments -- I will not know anything until later tonight or tomorrow. Mom is heartbroken. The Lord has allowed her observation into circumstances before they come to full light several times before. ie: my former sil before she left my brother for another woman...several others that don't come to mind right now.
Time here is up and I need to run.
Lord, we really need a miracle here.
My spirit is just on pins and needles not knowing what is going to happen, and here I have to run out to some appointments -- I will not know anything until later tonight or tomorrow. Mom is heartbroken. The Lord has allowed her observation into circumstances before they come to full light several times before. ie: my former sil before she left my brother for another woman...several others that don't come to mind right now.
Time here is up and I need to run.
Lord, we really need a miracle here.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Home again, home again...
Home from the weekend! It was a great weekend. There are some people you meet in life that are not "blood" related but "Blood" related. There are several people in my life that are closer than family. We live so close to my husbands family and yet I more often than not feel like an inconvient outsider that has to be invited. Did that make sense. More out of obligation than relationship.
It hurts...the past two years I just want to "quit" family. Move away and deal with each other every other year or so. I really need the grace of God to get me through this...to much to go into right now...
It is a beautifully sunny day here in the Pacific Northwest and I'm looking forward to going outside to soak up some much needed vitamin D! :)
I'll be back later on this week...
It hurts...the past two years I just want to "quit" family. Move away and deal with each other every other year or so. I really need the grace of God to get me through this...to much to go into right now...
It is a beautifully sunny day here in the Pacific Northwest and I'm looking forward to going outside to soak up some much needed vitamin D! :)
I'll be back later on this week...
Friday, September 12, 2008
Trying to figure this out...
Here I have created this new blogging beginning and now I'm trying to figure out how to set this all up!! Wish I had more time to do that!
Today is a VERY BUSY day! We are headed to OR for the weekend!! Very much looking forward to that....but between then and now I have a million and one things to do! So I really shouldn't be on here!
Welcome to my site! Forgive the mess as I'm trying to "move in"! :) Any helpful suggestions would be most welcome!
Have a great weekend! Enjoy the sunshine!
EDIT: Ok, now I've spent way to long on here! Obviously I've figured out how to work some of these gadgets! :)
Today is a VERY BUSY day! We are headed to OR for the weekend!! Very much looking forward to that....but between then and now I have a million and one things to do! So I really shouldn't be on here!
Welcome to my site! Forgive the mess as I'm trying to "move in"! :) Any helpful suggestions would be most welcome!
Have a great weekend! Enjoy the sunshine!
EDIT: Ok, now I've spent way to long on here! Obviously I've figured out how to work some of these gadgets! :)
Monday, September 8, 2008
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