Praying for answers...

Have you ever prayed for answers to prayer....and then expected everything to nicely *fall* into place? There are so many serious situations that I've brought before the Lord these last several weeks, some of them have come to a good end, some are still in process, some the Lord is still silent on and then there are some that He is answering.

However, the answer isn't some nice neat little gift wrapped package I was hoping it would be. No it is full blown sh*t hitting the fan! It is not pretty, it's ugly and horrid. It leaves me and others involved holding our breath, and clenching our fists just waiting for it to be safe, so we can take that breath. Waiting for the fan to stop and the poop to drop!! And work on picking up the pieces.

How often I wish that life would neatly fit together, that the little bumps in the road are just the puzzle pieces gently being filed down so they can be squished into place ~~ nice and neat. It doesn't happen that way, it requires me to trust. To trust that the LORD Almighty knows what HE is doing. And I have to trust that those individuals involved will hear the voice of the Lord and respond to HIS prompting.

These are literal life and death decisions I am talking about. Putting innocent people in positions that they should NEVER have been put in! Choosing to put pills in their bodies in quantities that can kill! Driving when they are not capable of doing so safely! A mother making sure her son is still breathing in the morning before she leaves, to spare her grandson the possibility of finding his dad gone...another son watching his dad maneuver through life high on otc drugs and alcohol, this same dad seeing the first year of his 2nd sons life through a blur of selfish decision! The women in my family have surely thought that the "boys" would not make it through this month...one of them is slowly on the road to recovery...the other ~ well, the fan hasn't stopped just yet.

So as I'm thinking about answers to prayer ~ life and death decisions, I realized that everyday I make life and death decisions in respect to my relationship with God. Do I chose to trust Him and His plan (even in the silence) or do I chose my own direction risking death? I find myself walking on a balance beam, not wanting to fall into the abyss of silence, so I lean to the side listening to the lies....Moment by moment, literally, I need to walk in faith that the Lord is in control that HE does have a plan and I just need to listen in the silence.

5K Update

Well my training for the 5K has decidedly taken and indoor look! There have been some serious events that have taken place in our area and I just don't feel safe walking by myself. Therefore, I'm jumping on the rebounder, dancing in the living room and putting focused effort into building endurance and stretching out these old muscles!

Last week was a tough week -- PMS!! Today I am feeling better than I have in about 2 and a half weeks!

Off I go to get ready for work.

What is faith?

My faith quotient is quiet low -- so small that I'm afraid in someways it is smaller than a mustard seed. This weekend I heard a wonderful message on faith, and what to do if you want your faith to grow.

I desperately need my faith to grow, my heart has gotten so cold, I've not allowed myself to feel. Rather than developing abs of steel (or was it buns of steel?) I've developed emotions of steel, trying not to feel, hardening my heart.

The minister said that if you want your faith to grow you need to :

a. Obey when it doesn't make sense. Faith is outside the spectrum of things seen. Noah built an ark having never seen rain. (Hebrews 11:7)

b. Walk by faith, not by sight. How many times do we say we are trusting God and yet we say to God, "IF only I could see a little..." I am so guilty of this. My faith wanes and gets weary and yet I have to believe that God hears my prayers and HE will answer them before I see it.

c. Speak it ~ make an announcement, proclaim that Jesus Christ is the Lord.

d. Give out of my need. I need to give out of my exhaustion,give my time, talent, touch and treasure....love, kindness and words of affirmation.

e. I need to praise God while I wait. Phil 4:19 - And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Now to our God and Father be the glory forever and ever.

f. Trust God's plan even when it's different than mine.... Hebrews 11:30..."God had provided something better..."

g. Hold on when I don't feel like it. Not allow feelings and mood to run my life...not feelings...commitment.

h. Faith comes from hearing, and hearing from the Word of God. I need to be reading His word and meditating more on it...putting His words in my mind rather than the worlds....Eph. 2:8.

He spoke on becoming a believer in Christ. He spoke that not all will get to heaven, not even some who claim to be Christians, not those who are good people...only by the saving power of Jesus blood and resurrection...such straight forward truth given in such a loving way -- a way that I've not heard in a long time.

I hope this post makes sense...it is notes that I took from the sermon. One of the last comments the Pastor said was: "Are you willing to say, 'God, I want to look like Your Son Jesus in everything I do and say."

All that to say that Jesus broke my heart this weekend. He's restoring hope to this daughter who's faith has become small...and I know that GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME.

Training...

Managed to fit in 4.6km. Does no seem like very much but it is better than nothing. I'm feeling like I need to build endurance and lung capacity...right on that! I do feel like I am making some progress so that is a good thing. As I've been walking to work the last couple days I always seem to find that I am in a hurry -- running late, so I don't take time to stretch out very well. Not a good thing! Making progress but still needing to make improvements.